Derecho Tornado Story or Damn Dog

Posted on September 5, 2012


Or I could have subtitled this ‘Damn Dog’ but I didn’t.  Subtitle, ‘Straight-line Winds’

Tornado-like storm came through again, no funnel sighted, don’t care, I know what takes out 200 trees in a path. It was up there somewhere. They call it the derecho.

I call it the morning of the Damn Dog.  DAMN DOG DAMN DOG dammmmmnnnn dog.

Derecho Tornado Story or Damn Dog and Skunk

Yesterday morn only one window was open in house because such a hot night but I like to wake up to birds. Woke to birds then went back to deep sleep and woke up to a tornado going by the window, mud water, hurricane winds, gliders going by, trees going down, seriously.

The dog is massive Newfoundland, black, furry, and he is hopping around by the bed panting and slobbering with all anxiety.  “Mama!!! aaahhhaaaahhhhaaaaa get UP!”

I tried to get him to go with me into the walk in closet. It was right there, safety, no windows.

“No.”  He said no. “Huh-uh. Not going in there.”  Shook his head, slime all over me.

He did not have his collar on, it was at the back door. Darned Hubby who was on way home from midnights left it there, WRONG PLACE.

“No,” dog said to me with something worse than a tornado going by window.  “Dog will NOT go in closet.”

“Comeon Danny Boy, it’s all right, come with Mama.”

“No. The SKUNK is in there.”

Yes, he is accurate, the walk in closet is her bedroom and her den is in the corner under a pile of blankies.

“Danny Boy, let’s go.”  And I am pulling his scruff but he is a Newfie, the scruff stretches two feet and he is 143 pounds, so I lose. “Comeon, let’s go in just for a minute. It’s fun. She’s nice, she’s cuuuuteee.”

“No. I’ll stay out here with the derecho-tornado. The skunk will eat me.”

Now… he is confused because Lacey wouldn’t eat him but her late sister Blossom would have killed him.

The skunk was in closet. The damn dog would rather stay out and play in the tornado derecho storm than go in the closet with a skunk.

“Danny Boy, dammit! let’s go. Come here sweetie, good boy.”

“I’m outta here.”  He charges down hall but comes back when I call.

I am trying to think of how to get him in without the collar and leash.

My floor length nightgown.

Tornadao-like straight line winds howling, raining mud but nothing coming in the window, go figure.

Don’t know if I had been sleeping naked or if I stripped off my bamboo fabric nightgown which would have been on the end of the bed in case of EMERGENCIES like intruder, fire, tornado, where the collar should have been by the shoes and keys, HUBBY.

So I strip it off I guess??? and I put the nightgown around his neck and twisted and pulled. Bamboo fabric nightgowns are soft stretchy stuff though. Damn dog pulled, bucked like a horse and got out of it, and the fastest dog in the world headed to the other end of the house …………

……………………..with me running naked, everything bouncing…………………  going after him to get the leash, take him to the basement.

In case you are worried about the little skunk, I had slammed the closet door, leaving Lacey in her den in there, but I hated leaving her.

Damn dog, I get the leash and collar and try to put it on him — this is a Caesar Dog Whisperer type of trained dog, we watched all the programs and did what Caesar says and Danny Boy is a pretty good dog, but not for this storm though he has never been afraid of storms, only horseflies.

But there is a derecho tornado.  Focus.

If they find me with the forest on the house and the house collapsed on top of me they will find me naked. But by god I will have the damn dog with me.

I try to attach the collar but he shakes me off and he heads back to the main bathroom.

I run back there, breasts, stomach, butt flopping past all five of the front windows again while thanking god we do not have neighbors……. and I see the storm is calmer.

The derecho tornado is gone or I am in the heart and it is too late to run.

I roll my eyes and give up.

Damn dog. At least I didn’t have time to be afraid.


Essa Adams is a storyteller.

Also visit her Women’s Fiction Blog:::: Myths, Dense Observations and Lies We Are Told

Two books with pet skunks as main characters…. a multitude of online pet stories and not even close to telling all of them.

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